April 28, 2022
There are three meanings for which the word 'jealous' could be used. The first is 'envy'. As in to envy someone for their achievements. It is undesirable if it only results in bitter resentment and not the need to challenge oneself to have the same level of achievement.
The second meaning is to be fiercely protective of something one processes or someone one cares about. Personally, I don't see much wrong in this emotion either unless this emotion prompts actions that are undesirable (as in trying to cut the freedom of a beloved person).
The third meaning of the word is to have a resentful suspicion that one's partner may be attracted to someone else ... but here, one has to wonder that in this monogamous world whether this third meaning is not merely a particular case of application of the second meaning. Even in a non-monogamous relationship, an attraction at least creates a point of vulnerability.
None of the three meanings implies something necessarily negative. They can result in some negative actions and they can result in positive actions from person to person, but the feeling itself is hardly negative.
To be jealous of something in the second meaning of the word is to care for it deeply. Today, there are only four things that make me jealous in that meaning of the word - my writings, my personal room and hours of solitude in it, my mobile, my laptop. Everything else that I may have cared that deeply about is already lost. It is for those four that I fight on in this 'Project Survival'.
In the first sense of the word, I am a very jealous person. There is so much to envy in this world; I envy everyone who has had experiences I would never have. The following is a list of people I envy in no particular order -
- the astronauts who have been out to space,
- to the moon and may soon be to Mars;
- the people who have gone deep-diving into the sea and seen the marine life there,
- the people who have enjoyed the snowfall or the sight of the sea,
- the people who know the feeling of being loved back,
- the people who have experienced sex, the people who have had children,
- the artists, singers, and stage dancers who know what it's like to make hundreds of people smile and sing with joy with them and their songs.
- the writers who have been published.
- the people who have held the hand of someone who cared for them equally
- Women; particularly those who have experienced pregnancy.
- The people who have traveled a lot and seen unique places
- Those who know how to swim.
- Those who have been in a ship or airplane.
- Doctors who know what it feels like to save a life.
- Social workers who know what it feels like to be the face of hope for someone and to be able to improve someone's life significantly better.
I also envy those who didn't have to suffer what I had to suffer - losing a mother as teenager or other such losses. I envy asexual people as well since they won't be disturbed in their thoughts by jolts of sudden physical attraction to strangers which does nothing but annoy one.
I might be the most envious person in the world. Maybe that shows that I am a very small person indeed.
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Question - should some of this discussion or the relevant key points from it be included in An Unsung Song?
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