June 17, 2021
Is it too late to start another diary? Google's Blogger looks so abandoned, so out of place in today's age - so like me ... and thus perhaps an appropriate place to write this diary of mine
Writing diaries is probably one of the most narcist activity there is - and yet, perhaps its so in a good way. Narcissus' tragedy was that when he finally saw his own reflection, he wasn't able to take his attention from his own form. Had he been able to do it in time, he would have come out a better person - more compassionate, more understanding of those who fell in love for him. If that had been the case, one could argue that he was more narcist before he saw his reflection - when he arrogantly refused advances of all disdainfully without ever stopping to wonder what passions (passion is apparently means 'to suffer', how close those ancients were to truth on things that mattered!) moved them. But his own reflection would then have humbled him.
A bit of self-reflection thus can be good. Its closest thing you can do to meditation without going through mumbo-jumbo of some mystic reasoning - 'meditation' in the sense of going down to the core of your being. When writing a journal, you analyze, it is true, narsisstically - a thing in a journal exists because it had some influence on you. Narcissus enters this journal because the tragedy had impact on me (which makes me more narcist than him). In a journal, the world is colored is colored by the writer's mood.
Yet, it has so much potential to do good exactly because of that reason. Because one's emotions now color the world, they are now more a property of the world than oneself - it is thus now possible to seperate onself from that emotion, to see emotion as something that surrounds one like the rest of the world, instead of one's part. One is no longer taking long distance view, which would make one look at world as the other to respond to (as is case in everyday life) and where emotions are so immediate that they seem part of oneself. Rather now one takes more minuscule view where one's emotions seem at an 'other-able' distance and the rest of world is so remote that it now becomes a background detail for the play between you and your emotions while you learn something more about yourself.
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