It is, you see, difficult to stay connected with old friends. That is why I once created this website where you could find and meet your old friends. I was in a good mood that day and since it hardly took me an hour to create it, so I gave it to this young boy – try as I may, I can’t recall his name Mark something, he was pissed off after his GF broke with him. I can’t recall his last name zuck … berger … bug…
Anyway I wouldn’t have mentioned it if this same website was not used by some of my enemies to exaggerate my little powers and thus ridicule them. If there is one thing I can’t tolerate – it is deviation, even slightest deviation from truth. One of them said that I once lifted an anaconda with a single hand to save a child in its grip and threw the beast away. It is such a stupid lie – How can people believe that? I could barely lift the animal with both my hands.
Anyway it spoiled my mood and I happened to be presiding this interplanetary conference that day. When representatives of Pluto (they are yellow-orange color, medium-sized, short-haired dogs with black ears having particular love for rats) were five minutes late…. I confess my anger was unjust but what happened is what happened – and now, Pluto is no longer a planet.
I could have cooled down but for a while the queen of England; she knows me from when I sold a lock of my hair to end the last economic depression; was pestering me over which president should her people chose next. People just can’t understand that I have more important things to do. In frustration, I told her to just go for the last one again. I think she did.
I have no time to follow the news in all my universe-saving endeavors. Just last week, my good friend Doctor Who (I once mended his toy machine TARDIS) visited me to ask my help in saving a planet in a galaxy, name of which can’t be pronounced in Earth’s atmosphere.
All this work makes one moody. Even now I was planning to give a speech which would have ended all the evil in the world and make Earth a heaven but I have changed my plan since my pizza was no good (I’m tired of you lesser mortals) and my date Jennifer Aniston is late.. She says she is twenty two but I highly doubt that. Women often hide their age around me. Anyway she was a big letdown after Marilyn Monroe and … Venus. And, don’t even ask me about Helen. Ah! those were the days – specially when Greeks fought with Troy believing she ran away with Paris!